Breaking News
S P Singh
Little can match the ridiculousness of Indian Television News Channels breaking the news. One of the most ubiquitous logos forever playing across the screen is BREAKING NEWS. (Capitals are the channel’s, so is the font size)
A mere travel advisory, that too a pedestrian one, the most expected one, becomes Breaking News (sorry, only the TV channels’ editors allow huge font sizes all the time). Since the country is making a lot of progress, TV sizes are forever increasing. Last checked, these were 29” and rising. Hence, it is becoming easier to split the screen into six, get six breathless reporters right there and an eager-to-know-everything anchor in the studio, all of it five minutes after a news break.
The anchor’s job is to ask the most impossible questions. “Who do you think could be behind the blasts and why hasn’t the police been able to prevent these? Also, tell us all the details as to which group could be behind it and when will the culprits be arrested.”
What do you think? That the reporters will be dumbfounded and will wonder what to say? Not these six. Between them, they may not have three sensible points to make. But they will fill in a full ten minutes conjecturing upon every theory, ruing how the police failed, then telling you how the police could not have done anything and is little to be blamed, hinting at every outfit they can recall, LTTE to Lashkar to Pakistan.
And then comes the final assault on your idea of what is breaking news. One channel will claim that it is breaking the news before any other channel did: a detailed interview with the brother of the neighbour of the driver of one of the suspected suspects. Of course through a mesh door because the poor fellow is refusing to open the gates since he isn’t used to finding a horde of camera-wielding mike-thrusting people lurking outside.
What would you expect the American embassy to do after the blasts in Mumbai? Or in Karachi? It issued a simple advisory asking Americans in India to keep a low profile, avoid crowded places. News channels race to pull out Breaking News logos in 120 font size. I am sure any US citizen who would have seen the logo size or heard that the advisory was covered on national TV for two full days would have dug himself into a hole rather than clicking snap shots of Taj Mahal.
Some one near a religious dargah in Mumbai’s Mahim happened to swallow a bit of water, and found it wasn’t so salty afterall. “The sea has turned sweet,” the channels screamed, the 120 font in place. Since it is on TV, there is no dearth of people who will do anything to remain on the 29”. And since the channels idea of what is news is font size and sillyness, the event played out for two days. Till, that is, when Shiva’s idols started drinking milk. Milk remains a hot favourite. Maneka Gandhi take note.
What would these channels have done if they had been there when the sea parted? Jesus saves. That’s why TV was invented much later.
All this while the Prime Minister made a statement in Rajya Sabha on nuclear deal which was analysed only in a nationalist spirit. Whenever it comes to a foreign policy matter, Indian media becomes super nationalistic. Middle East is so poorly covered, a few exceptions apart, that it could well have been a little skirmish in a Tunisian town. Karan Johar’s movie gets big ticket coverage, so easily pushing Katayushas out of the bulletins that Ehud Olmert would consider buying distribution rights in Lebanon. That’s the only way Nasrallah will learn a lesson in media management.
Real news exercise the grey cells too much. So news channels in India have now started extensively covering ghosts, witches, supra natural, super natural, djinns and fairies. And have specialized reporters to cover these creatures. “They live within us, among us,” a reporter clearly under the spell of this new form of journalism said. I am sure they live along TV studio corridors.
A few days ago, two girls and a boy drove up to the Prime Minister’s residence, and when stopped at the first cordon gate, said they only want to meet the PM to say hello. They were waived on, but were turned back from the second gate. Mediamen spotted the car, blew the whistle and declared to a stunned nation: The PM’s security has been breached! People drove into his house. No one stopped them.
Poor girls. They even blew kisses to waiting mediamen. Without of course realizing the TV wallahs whip out 120 font if the substance is not there. The PMO’s protestations that there was no breach were overlooked and graphics and diagrams appeared on screen, the channels went on and on. You know the point size. The girls were sacked by the airline where they worked as hostesses. Only then could the PM’s security be restored.
Days of innocence have been lost. Forever. That the PMs are no more available for a citizen is a curse of the economic development. That you will lose your job if you drove up to his house and asked, “Is he in?,” is a curse of the media. Or of the font size and a screen split into six.
August 22, 2006