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Communal and us?
Radhe Shyam Radhe Shyam
S P Singh
In its
shriller-than-the-next-channel coverage of Mumbai blasts, each
TV channel intermittently focused on people whose attire denoted
their faith. It seemed de rigueur for anyone with a white Muslim
cap to spout rabid nationalism for the benefit of TV cameras in
terms shriller than anyone else’s.
"Jin logon ne kiya hai, jahannum mein
jayenge," said an old man with a religion-denoting beard. “Aap
ka matlab hai unhe jahannum mein bhej dena chahiye?” the TV
reporter seemed to be prodding the man, interpreting less and
supplying more. You had to see the look on the man’s face to
understand his horror. My God! he had done much less than
expected! Predicting hell as destination was way below par, they
had to be sent to hell. The man with the silver beard was
trembling. “Jee han, jaldi se jaldi,” he almost gushed.
Allah was merciful. He was able to grab the
mike and apply the corrective. The twenty-something petite
mike-carrying shrieking reporter was all smiles now. The man in
the studio was happy. India’s secularism had won another byte.
 If you are a Salim or an Ahmed, you already
know this. Tell your parentage. A reference to Bharat Mata or
Mera Desh Mahan is mandatory for a few days if a few bombs have
gone off anywhere across the country. Don’t leave your
patriotism reside in your hearts. What’s it doing there, you
nincompoops? Wear it on your sleeve, spew it around, sport a
Deshbhagat’s t-shirt or strut around wearing a Jai Bharat
baseball cap.
I know the feeling pretty well. I landed
the job at The Press Trust of India in Delhi in 1991 and wore a
turban. Another Sikh batch mate took care to shave off his hair
before joining. That left just me. “Why are Sikhs killing the
Hindus everyday in Punjab?” The innocence of the queries could
have been amusing, were the gravity of their ignorance not so
serious.
Mumbai 2006 was no different.
“Possibility of SIMI behind blasts,” the
game started very innocently. May be Lashkar, added the next
channel. Every channel had jumped over NDTV, so NDTV jumped
higher than anyone. "Govt sources said Pakistan hand possible,"
it reported claiming exclusive information. Govt sources? You
mean there are people out there in the government of India who
know that Pakistan is blowing up trains in Delhi but are not
even willing to tell their own name? And the channel is not
willing to reveal that either?
 By now, Lashkar has condemned the blasts,
SIMI has denied any role or link and condemned the blasts
thoroughly, and the Mumbai police chief Pasricha has added that
even politicians’ role was to be investigated. Lashkar, SIMI,
Pakistan, politicians. Usual suspects all. Meanwhile, no one had
told channels to shut up. So the game was continuing. ‘Mumbai is
resilient’ became ‘Mumbai is not susceptible to communal
violence.’ Everyone, please believe that. Next, you can also
believe that Gujarat is the paragon of communal harmony.
Anything else will be anti-national and an attack on pride of
Gujarat.
In Delhi, my newly clean shaved friend had
dropped ‘Singh’ from his name. Now my friends in Mumbai have
gone in for gender-neutral name. ‘Seema’ is safer, a friend told
me why he had named his daughter so. “‘Salma’ could some day put
her in danger,” he explained. “So why ‘Seema’? Why not Radhika?
Tell a lie, why be ambiguous?” I asked. He smiled. “Clearly, my
dear friend, you do not have children. Ambiguity is what we
looked for. ‘Radhika’ too is dangerous. ‘Seema’ can be Salim’s
daughter or Radhe Shyam’s. Radhika is definitely Radhe Shyam’s,”
I was being educated.
He is right. But he is wrong about my
children. I am a father to Salmas, Seemas and even Radhikas. And
my land is susceptible. And I am doomed to lose my children.
Someone please do something.
“They are looking into the debris at
Matunga, at Jogeshwari, at all the blast sites,” the TV channels
assure me. CCTVs are being installed. India Gate has been handed
over to the army. “Did you notice that no party called for a
bandh after the blasts?” an elitist TV channel noticed a
novelty. The BJP promptly called a bandh.
Toll rises: Talks with Pakistan to be
delayed. End of peace process. CBMs fail to impact
conflict-resolution. One more blast in Delhi and we will hear
results of SMS polls on TV channels. Should India attack
Pakistan tonight? 88 per cent say Yes. 12 per cent are
anti-nationals.
You kill chances of peace with a neighbour
which is the only country where you don’t have to learn a new
language, or new songs, or new movies or new music; where even
the cycle-puncture mending man hangs the tyre atop the tree top
the same way as you do. And then claim that we will defeat
terrorism!
Idiots in the idiot box.
And idiots outside it too.
Every child in India has always wanted to
grow up as a doctor or an engineer. Now they want to become
computer engineers or Sachin Tendulkars. Our mothers still
haven’t started giving birth to babies who want to kill people
travelling to offices hanging by the coach straps.
Unless of course someone is killing the
mothers, or their sons or brothers, or husbands.
Don’t look into the debris. Look where the
violence is coming from. It never comes from across the border,
or from a SIMI office, or a madrasa. It comes from our failure
to listen to cries of mothers losing their sons in distant
valleys, from our failure to understand why young strapping
sardars were dropping ‘Singh’ from their names and shaving off
their heads, from why a Salma or a Radhika felt less secure than
a ‘Seema’.
And from our smug satisfaction when the
frail old man with a white cap says as a matter of duty that
perpetrators must be sent to hell. Next time he will leave the
white cap home, and shave off the beard. Ambiguity helps.
Even in dangerous Mumbai trains.
Just drop 'Ali' or ‘Kumar’ from your names.
Sometimes it takes less than a 5,000-year-old civilization to
trip. Sometimes it just takes a clutch of TV channels.
July 15, 2006
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