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It was the evening of August 14, 2005 when Sridhar Raman, the Resident Editor of The Times of India, Chandigarh walked into my cabin. "I have a content rich list ready for tomorrow’s Independence Day edition, but what I do not have is a front-pager." "But what do you want? A news story? At this hour? Any column on I-Day would be boring."

"What I want today perhaps is what your heart says to you when you think of the fact that tomorrow is Independence Day?" he said, and left the cabin. I had full two hours to write. For months I used to be amused by the local news in Pakistani papers I perused on the net. On my visit to Lahore, I had spent an entire night going through old newspapers which the manager at Flattey’s Hotel had put at my disposal saying it was all raddi for him. I had brought hundreds of clippings back. I was struck by the similarity, and the inanity of many news items.

 It was same-to-same in the two countries. Between me and Sridhar, we named the phenomena s2s.

 
 
     

 

 

 

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“Newspapers always excite curiosity. No one ever lays one down without a feeling of disappointment.”
Charles Lamb, 1833


“Frankly, despite my horror of the press, I’d love to rise from the grave every ten years or so and go buy a few newspapers.”
Luis Buñuel,
Spanish filmmaker



“I often wonder what future historians will say about us. One sentence will suffice to describe modern man: he fornicated and he read newspapers.”
Albert Camus,
French novelist, dramatist, philosopher, 1956

Cry Freedom,
It’s Same-To-Same

S P Singh

Mahatma and Quaid-i-Azam were as different as chalk and cheese and the divide was always over the two-nation theory. Enmity and aggression between the two is even celebrated at the mesmerising Wagah retreat, but frankly, to use that sub-continental version of the butchered language of the Raj, aren't we really same-to-same even 58 years after our trysts with destiny?

Radcliffe line scorched through hearths and hearts, literally and metaphorically, but our destinies remain, though not united anymore, certainly same-to-same. Tricolor and green-crescent hues are poles apart, khadi and military uniform have textures so different but the essential natures of the regimes is, you guessed it, same-to-same. One look across the fenced border, and poverty's colours are the same.

Flip through newspapers Pakistani and Indian, and if you didn't pay attention to the dateline, you won't know which country is the news despatch talking about.

Focus on education: 154 primary schools have remained closed since 1998 due to non-availability of teachers. The District Education Officer said 650 posts of primary teachers and 850 of junior and high school teachers were lying vacant. Dadu is a Sindh district, but it could well have been in Amarinder Singh's backyard.

Federal education minister Javed Ashraf Qazi tells the National Assembly -- it's their Parliament, names sometimes aren't same-to-same -- about hundreds of vacancies of college teachers with a face as straight as any of our politicians who assure people that administration couldn't do anything because it was record-breaking rain.

Punjab Social Services Board chairperson Saba Sadiq has declared working women hostel in Gujranwala as dangerous building since it is too delapidated. And given the fact that it was constructed just in 1998, it could well have been on Radcliffe's other side.

Just like us, they too ordered an inquiry. Same-to-same, no? Afterall, we travel the same way in life. Railways caught 1,940 ticketless passengers in June in a district. Our figures aren't very different.

And MPs vote higher allowances for themselves with a regularity which is a characteristic behavioral streak. Acting president Mohd Mian Soomro had this year assured senior executives at National Institute of Public Administration Quetta that their salaries would be substantially hiked to make them competitive with the private sector. Indian PSUs keep asking for same-to-same privileges.

Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz took personal interest to ensure that two banks and a financial institution waive off loans worth millions given to a company. Our Prime Minister is a tad too scrupulous but an average politician is, well, s2s.

Punjab Police recently mercilessly thrashed newspersons who covered PPP leader Asif Ali Zardari’s Dubai to Lahore visit. NWFP lawmakers have passed a resolution demanding action. Punjab Police isn’t much different anywhere. We aren’t, either. How can we be different? Even our choicest four letter words are same-to-same.

Happy Independence Day to both, same to same.

August 14, 2005

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Heaven and Hell

Lord Desborough was infuriated one day to find his obituary printed in The Times of London. A certain Lord Bessborough, it seemed, had died...

Desborough promptly called the newspaper. "Look here," he cried, "you've published my obituary this morning!" "I'm so sorry, your lordship," the editor replied. "Where did you say you were calling from?"

(Source: The Globe and Mail (Toronto)

 

Speedy Recovery

The violinist Dave Swarbrick was amused one day to find his obituary printed in the Telegraph. Apprised of the mistake, the paper printed the following retraction:

"Mr Swarbrick, who was reported dead in yesterday's Daily Telegraph, is recovering well."

Swarbrick was just one of several people whom Telegraph editor Charles Moore cheerfully admitted to having accidentally buried.

(Source: Euan Ferguson, The Observer, April 28, 2002)

 

Journalists find ways to say unpleasant things about the dead. Among the "coded" references found in many obituaries? "Tireless raconteur" (bore); "He tended to become over-attached to certain ideas and theories" (fascist); "Gave colourful accounts of his exploits" (liar); "She did not suffer fools gladly" (foul-tempered shrew); "His door was always open" (lush); and "His door was always open, at any time of the day or night" (lush, with an eye for the students).

 
 
 

 

 

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Fav Newspaper Reads

 
 


People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news. But, if words were invented to conceal thought, newspapers are a great improvement of a bad invention.  Click on any below to find out:


New York Times
The Washington Post
The Guardian

The Telegraph

Beirut Daily Star
Boston Globe
Moscow Times
The New Yorker
Al-Ahram Weekly
Arab News
Dawn
Al Jazeera
The Hindu
The Indian Express
The Asian Age
The Tribune

 
     
 

SP Singh's Fav Blogs

 


The Corner
The Free West
Political Animal
Three Quarks
Sounds and Fury
The Reading Experience
Counter Punch
Exquisite Corpse

 

 

     
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